Urinal Etiquette

The Scene: The entrance is to the right of the Hearts Urinal. There is a partition separating the urinals and the entrance as well as a partition to the left of the Spades, beyond which are the toilets. Now, everyone knows that there is certain urinal etiquette that every guy must adhere to. These are unwritten rules that most guys instinctively know.

The Setup: Now, had it been 1:50 pm, the rules would be slightly different: I would have to choose the Spade urinal because it is on the end and farthest from the door. If there was someone using the stall next to the spade, I would, of course, choose the heart. However, with the bathroom completely empty at 7 pm, I have free reign of the bathroom and can choose whichever urinal I want, we call this "The Empty Nest" (not really, I just made that up, but it sounds like a name for a good rule). So I chose to use the diamond because I didn't want to stand next to a partition (you really don't want to touch those). A side note, when you are alone, you are allowed to put some distance between yourself and the urinal, not multiple feet, mind you, but an extra 6 inches is okay.

The Flaw: half way through my 'business' in walks Frank. I don't actually know his name, but from the little amount of green shirt I saw out of my peripheral, he looked like a Frank. So I'm at the diamond (it sounds like a station in Lost) so what would the proper urinal be for utilize? Spade. That's right the spade. It's not that hard. Spade!!! Yes, the spade is the correct answer.

Fatal Decisions: So you can probably see where this is going. Frank chose the worst urinal, the club. He just walked right in and boom, in and stood right next to me. I was in shock. What the heck? Why would someone do this? What the heck was going through his mind. I was so startled I didn't know what to do. Once the gravity of the situation hit me, I tried to create as much privacy as I could closed the gap as much as possible without touching the actual urinal. Then when I moved forward, he laughed. Yes, he laughed.

I have nothing else to say. Well actually I do, but I won't.