Mommy Day

Yesterday was a total mommy day for me.
I always feel a little like a mom when I hang out with Maddie and Sam, but yesterday was 100% mommy.
Here's how it went down:
1- Get Sam dressed.
2- He helps me clean the house (no, Emily doesn't expect me to. I just like cleaning other people's houses).
Sam's helping involves freaking out (really truly screaming, crying, and running away) because he thinks the dust bunnies I'm sweeping are bees. It's traumatic.
3- He helps me mop. Helping me mop means he lifts the mop out of the bucket and splashes it into the water a few times before putting it on the floor creating a large puddle and then looking confused when his feet get all wet.
4- Sam puts the broom into the mop bucket because he thinks it goes there.
5- Shower and change Sam.
6- Pick Maddie up from school.
7- Go back to the house. Make lunch. Do homework with Maddie.
8- Help Maddie find a fact about Antarctica on the computer. Sam drops a serious bomb in his diaper. Maddie begins dry heaving. This is followed by, "Go change him, Jenny. (gag gag gag) He stinks! Get him outta here. (gag gag gag). I'm serious! Go change him!"
9- Change stink bomb after he runs away and giggles about it. Take stink bomb outside to dumpster.
10- Give the children cookies because I'm the auntie.
11- Maddie dry heaves again because she "smells the diaper" even though it's outside, we were in a different room, and I sprayed the other rooms with Lysol.
12- Let children drink from little medicine cups because it's really funny and they drink A LOT of water.

(This is when Maddie was spitting the cup out of her mouth and making Sam pick it up for her so she could do it again. Coolest game ever.)

13- Children play and laugh hysterically at each other while drinking their water.

(They love to do "cheers!")

14- Both kiddos go down the hall with their little medicine cups of water. I look at Maddie and she has the dry heaving going on and then the cookie comes back up. All over her pants. All over the floor. Sam, of course, thinks it's completely awesome.
15- I dry heave as I clean up said vomit. Maddie says, "Why did I throw up? Sorry I threw up all over. Why did I do that? What's wrong with me?"
16- Console Maddie while changing her clothes and trying not to puke while I take pants covered in vomit to the washer.
17- Take kids to swimming lessons. Maddie is a little rockstar. Sam loathes swimming lessons and screams the whole time. Maddie gets some water in her, starts coughing and pukes. Again. In the pool. Little hot dog chunks among other things. I watch in disgust. Teacher has to ask me to bring a towel over because I just watch and am grossed out.

18- Clean up second round of vomit. Maddie again apologizes. "Sorry I threw up." "I feel so much better!"
19- Wrestle children into their clothes, start dripping with sweat because it's so blasted humid in the pool area, and start the trek back to their house.
20- Sam falls asleep. Maddie has a kids meal from Wendy's then takes a bath. I think she would live in the water if she could.

Jeff comes to visit (thanks for saving us all!). I leave to teach a parenting class. (I know. It's funny to me that I teach Love and Logic with the counselor I worked with at the school last year, yet I have no children of my own. Hmmm.)

I go home. I'm completely and utterly exhausted. KUDOS to all you moms who make it look so easy! You have my ultimate respect.